I haven't blogged in a right good length of time. Something has been bothering me for a few months now and what better way to release the stress of it and not post a page long FB status than to blog.
A few months ago someone felt the need to be concerned with my job as a mother. First of all, any mom knows that we constantly question our decisions. We constantly ridicule ourselves but to have someone who doesn't know you or your situation do that for you is not only an insult, but it finds a rage inside of you that is not matched. ESPECIALLY coming from another mother.
Here is my story:
It was brought to someone else's attention that this person felt as if I was not doing my job as a mother because my teenage son was not plastered all over my FB and that he; as it was summer; had his own activities and friends he was hanging with more so than with his mother. I confronted this head on as I am the type to be straight forward. It was said to me and I quote "I'm just trying to find out" Ok-- WHO ARE YOU?! Why is this your business, as we are not even slightly friends? Let me tell you what kind of mother I am. What I have been through and what I deal with on a daily basis. Are you ready? This may take a while.
I became a mother at the age of 19. I was on my own yes, but what business did I have caring for another human. I know this isn't as rare now but back them I felt shame because I was a statistic. Something I always said I would not be.
I had the support of my grandparents. They were the reason I could work 2-3 jobs to make sure my child was taken care of. I worked jobs making 10.00 or less an hour. I waitressed. At one point I worked 3 jobs, and went to class to attempt to better my income.
I had no support from the father. Still don't to this day. It took an emotional toll on me as I could not understand how someone could treat a child such a way. I still trudged forward. I lost my support system when my child was 5. I was on my own.
2012- I found a new support system that became family. But that was only to work. I over the years have missed out on ALOT of things to make sure my child was taken care of or did the things he wanted to do. That's what moms do. We sacrifice.
2014- I was married. Over the course of the next 2 years, life would be turned upside down. My child would witness things that would damage him in all aspects of his emotional and mental life. He would be subjected to a level of bullying that would bring him to the conclusion that ending his life was the only answer. I struggled right alongside of him. I cried for him and with him. I fought for him. This was when I decided amongst all the other reasons, it was time to leave my husband as it was what was best for my sons well being. I would fight to move him to a better environment as far as learning. Obviously this is the short non detailed version, but waking up every single day with the overwhelming feeling of "doom" and hurt is a feeling I would not wish on my worst enemy.
Coat all of that with dealing with ADHD. Psychologists, doctors, school officials telling you there is something "wrong" with your child. When you KNOW you have an intelligent, compassionate and loving child who has in the past been a straight A student. Fighting for something that you are told you're wrong about because "you're bias because you're his mother" Watching the pain your child is in and not being able to stop it.
Having a teenager is hard enough. What with the hormonal changes and no male figure it gets a little awkward sometimes. Its completely different than raising a toddler. They no longer want to cuddle. They no longer want their picture taken. Mom is no longer their hero. Its the beginning of learning to let go and allow them to be their own person. Allowing them to have their own life. It's a trying time for a mother. And for someone to not have gone through it to make comments, burns my soul.
There are a lot of reasons my life isn't plastered all over FB. Mainly its because it is not the worlds business. The important people know. I owe no one an explanation and I do not care what anyone thinks of me and how I am as a mother. I have seen the greatest and the worst of my child and I still love him with every piece of me. I know what kind of person he is and I know where he is going. I know that my world revolves around him. If the world doesn't see or know that. Its ok.
Word of advice to ALL parents. We are criticized enough. We are hard enough on ourselves. Build other parents up. Not one is better than the other. Help them if they need it. Don't tear them down. We are doing the best that we can. Not all of us have the support system that others do. It is not your job however to parent someone else's child. It is not your place to speak on it. There are very very few times when your opinion or action is warranted. If you were to see me interact with my son- I promise you, you may learn a thing or two. I am his ride or die. I will give my last breath for him to have everything he needs in life. He saved me. I'll spend the rest of my life repaying him.
I don't apologize for posting this. I needed to get this off my chest. I was extremely contained when this was presented to me. But just know the anger is still there. This is my attempt to move forward. My attempt to understand that this person was where they did not belong and to not criticize myself any further for what I have to do to be a good mother. I AM A GOOD MOTHER. I will never be anything less. I am not perfect. I know this. But, I will die trying to improve day over day.
I hope this blog serves its purpose. I hope it helps me let this go. I hope this sheds some light into my world as a mom. I also hope this helps other moms see they are doing everything they can. That there is no right or wrong way and that perfection is a state of mind. Its not an easy job. Its also not one that ever ends. I am here for you.. Keep moving forward.
You have been given the best yet hardest job in the world. Rock it out. <3
